Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
