Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
