i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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