$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
