I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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