I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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