i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
