Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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