just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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