Say something about gay babies.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
