i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
