We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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