MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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