So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
