Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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