My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
