Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
