mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jerry, you need to find god
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
