I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
