Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
