fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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