Non-Jews are for practice
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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