Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
