I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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