i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
