I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
