Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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