i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
