Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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