Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
