the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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