Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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