All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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