After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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