Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
