Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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