: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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