Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
