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im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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