So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
