We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
