this beer tastes like vomit already
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
