so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
