does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
