are you so shy because you have an std?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
