U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were trust falling into bushes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
