pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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