dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
