Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
