Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
