I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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