He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
