He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
