hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
