today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
