i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
