I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
