dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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