I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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